So, I've been a serious slacker in the blogging world. I don't think I'm very good at it. :) Things have been going pretty well for our family lately. Doug's working in Rock Springs as the Parts Manager at Great Western Autoplex, I'm hoping we can find something here soon, that would be great. Michael has been spending a lot of the summer with his Grandparents there, which is good and bad I think. We kind of have to re-program him every weekend...lol. Hanna Bo as she calls herself (shortened from Hanna Bo Nana at day care) is doing great. She had her 3rd set of ear tubes in April and seems to be doing ok, though not as well as I had hoped. She is now completely potty trained which is a great thing. She is even dry most nights. What a big girl. Michael turned 9 on his birthday in June. He was very excited for his party. We got the kids a pinata this year and they had a super great time with that. Doug finally had to break it because it wasn't opening. Our family has a ton of June birthdays so Hanna's really excited about her's coming up in...December. She tells us each day that she will be "tree" on her birthday in "cember" and she wants a "motorcycle." She's just a hoot. My dad is retiring finally after 3o years at FMC. He's elated about it! I really don't know what he will do with himself! My mom will continue to drive her school bus. They might hurt each other if they are both not working LOL!

Well that's all for now, I'm sure I could continue to write but maybe later!!

This and That

Michael is doing fabulously in school this year. He has not had ONE problem so far, which is huge for him. He works very hard to get through each day, and other than sometimes forgetting his planner or homework, he's doing great. We've struggled a bit in the mornings but we've switched some things around and that seems to be going better so far. We haven't heard from his mother since Mother's Day when she calledh him. She is pregnant and has either gotten remarried or is planning to. She is living in Texas and I seriously doubt that Michael will ever see her or his half-brother again. Such a sad thing because they love one another very much. He loves to sit and read to his sister or play with her, it's great to watch them!

Hanna is growing quickly, she'll be 2 in just a few short months. It's hard for me to believe! She had to go to the doctor last week because she has a sinus infection and she's gained not quite a pound in 3 months. I'm a bit concerned but we just keep plugging along. I've been giving her Instant Breakfast as her chocolate milk to give her a few extra vitamins etc. She eats well for the most part as long as she does sneak in a "nack" first.

My neice, Kayle who is soon to be 12 is recovering from the H1n1 flu. She was out of school all last week. My brother and my mom are both sick and it sounds as though maybe Mel is getting sick too. We are staying away from them because I don't want the kids, especially Hanna with her already weak immune system to get that crap.

Doug is struggling with anxiety, and maybe some PTSD symptoms of getting sick and going to the hospital. He's having some insomnia and with that waking me up to tell me he's not sleeping. We've got to get something worked out because we are both exhausted and I still have to get up and get the kids going and get to work and he has to drive to work. It's kind of frustrating because then I get to feel like a jerk for not supporting him because I'm so tired and getting woke up in the middle of the night 100 times for him to tell me he's not sleeping isn't so cool. If he really needed me to get up that's one thing, it's a whole other thing when that's not what's going on. We will plug through this though, for better or worse. They are working on getting his cpap straightened out and maybe switching him to a bipap, hopefully that will help too. I think it will lessen his anxiety.

September's been a long, long month!

I thought when September started it was going to be a good month. We planned a camping trip for Labor Day weekend with my family who was going to be archery hunting on Little Mountain South of Rock Springs. We went and bought a tent so we could have our own because we had borrowed my parents the last time. Went and bought our camping supplies and were pretty excited to go! Saturday we headed out and met everyone at my parents house and then headed to Little Mountain. When we got to where we were camping, Mel got really shaky and realized her blood sugar was low. We got her all settled down and set up camp. We all hung out all afternoon and that evening I noticed Doug seemed a little flighty. We went to bed that night and I would wake up and he was wide awake. He said that when he would go to sleep his head would pound really bad. He woke me up once to listen to 2 elk fighting and bugling, it was very cool. The next morning I noticed he was acting more oddly. He was not really acknowledging him when people were talking to him. I'd have to really get his attention. Doug's a social guy so this was not normal behavior for him. Later on he said he wasn't feeling well. I took Hanna on a ride on the 4-wheeler and she went to sleep, so I came back and he walked over and told me we had to leave. The way he said it was very weird. Not the normal way he would speak to me. I started packing stuff up and I admit I was pissed off. I thought that if he were that sick then he should have told me. So I noticed him talking to my mom and he was acting weird, so I went over there and asked him what was going on. He was acting very bizarrely at that point. We went in my mom's trailer to talk and she left. Hanna was asleep on the bed and he said that I needed to give her some juice or she wasn't going to wake up. I kept asking him what he was talking about. He kept talking about everyone needing to be baptised right then because no one was going to get off the mountain. I was seriously freaking out and started screaming at him to tell me wtf was going on! I finally called my mom in and she could tell I was freaking out. Kay heard me screaming at him and sent the kids on the 4-wheeler. I went out of the trailer and was freaking out, crying hysterically. Doug came out and Troy wanted to know what was going on. I told him and he was trying to talk to Doug who was delirious. We got him in Troy's truck with the child locks on because I didn't know what he was going to do. We then took him the ER in Rock Springs. He continued to get more agitated on the way down the mountain, flicked my brother in the back of the head a couple of times, until i told him to stop, but said the reason he was doing it was because he "felt a little tough." We got to the ER and I went in, he came in and started being loud and security came out. They tried to walk him down the hall and Doug hit the security guard in the nose with his elbow. He pulled his tazer and was going to taze him but Troy stepped in front of him...what an awesome brother I have. I was completely hysterical at that point. They took Doug into a room and called the police, they ended up completely restraining him because he was so combative. Later they completely sedated him and paralyzed him, meaning they had to intubate him. After doing a CT Scan, they sent him by life flight to SLC. In between all of that happening, Troy and Kay left, met my mom and sister who had all the kids, they took their kids, Ashlee, and Michael with them and mom and Mel brought Hanna. Then my dad who had worked that day at FMC came, took Mel with him and Mom and I went to SLC while Dad and Mel went back to pack up the campers etc. I drove from RS to the valley, which I should not have done, I was far too upset. My mom ended up driving from there to Evanston and then to SLC. We got the U where they'd taken Doug. I have to say the air team was fabulous. The guy in charge gave me his cell number and I called about an hour and a half after they got there and he told me how he'd done. He said that the flight had gone well. We got to the MICU around 10:30ish, they wouldn't let me in the room. We stayed in the waiting room until 4:30 a.m. with a few updates from Doctors and nurses. They did an MRI that night and tried to do a spinal tap, which they'd also tried in RS, but were unsuccessful. We finally went to the motel to sleep a bit, we were both so exhausted. I called around 8 and the new nurse on said Doug had been asking for me. No one had called and said he was awake. I was very upset. We got back to the hospital within about 45 min. They had him on respiratory precautions because they didn't know what was going on with him. He was more coherent but still very paranoid. He would freak out if I left the room because he thought I wouldn't come back. He also was afraid to go to sleep because he was afraid he wouldn't wake up. They did a spinal tap using floroscopy. They initially thought that he had a virus that had caused an infection in his brain. At one time he had 9 bags of IV fluids going into 3 seperate IV's. They were all antivirals and antibiotics. He spent 3 days in the MICU then moved to the floor on the 3rd day where he spent one more night. In the end they decided he had altitude sickness because we'd gone a couple thousand feet higher and he didn't have his CPAP. He was also dehydrated and had a couple of beers, making that worse. It was the scariest week of my life. I have so much anxiety almost all the time now. I actually cancelled a trip to NC for work because I don't feel like I can leave the kids with him, not that I don't trust him, but that nagging question of what if it happens again is there in the back of my mind. It's been 2 weeks since this happened and I'm crying as I write this. I know it affects Doug too, he doesn't sleep as well and said he still wakes up thinking he's not breathing. I know it'll be a long haul for the emotional side of things to heal. We have the best supportive families that there are though, so we'll keep workin!

Kids and things...

So, this is what I've learned about blogging so far....I don't have time LOL! My little sweet Hanna is growing so quickly! She'll be 18 months old soon....I just can't believe it. We've started the potty training endeavor. She's very proud of herself when she potties in her little potty chair! She claps for herself, it's soooo cute. I'm very proud of her. She's full of tight squeezes and kisses. Michael is doign much better behavior wise. We got his report card. He did a great job! In one quarter he brought his overall music and PE grades up from Basic in Music to Proficient, and from Below Basic in PE to Proficient. That shows us how hard he worked to get there! Most people don't know about the struggles we've had with Michael, but this is a huge thing for him. He's started going to day care full time this week, and appears to be doing pretty well with that. I love ECDC's summer program. They do a ton of fun stuff for the older kids in the summer. They go on field trips, not just in town, but to SLC to the aquarium, the zoo, Boondocks. Best of all they have to earn them. I think Michael might be doing well enough right now that he will get to do all of them! I'm hoping as we work really hard on his social skills he will blossom as he goes into 3rd grade.

We are planning a few things this summer. We're hoping this weekend to take the kids to the Zoo and to the Air Show at Hill Air Force Base. We are also planning on multiple camping trips and fishing trips to the mountains! It will be good for all of us!

Becoming a mommy

There are a lot of things I didn't know when I became a mom...being a stepmom is very different than having a baby you've had from birth. I love Michael as my own, but I don't have the bond with him that I do with Hanna...I'm sure some would think that makes me a horrible person, but that's just the way it is. At least I'm honest enough to admit it. I think part of the problem with Michael and I's relationship is that he is has this idea in his mind of what his Mom should be, and he won't allow me to be that person. His real Mom chooses to be in his life sporadically, like that helps him at all. I feel at times like no matter what I do it will never be good enough and the relationship between he and I will always suffer. I feel hopeless at times in that respect.

Hanna and I have a wonderful relationship....I didn't know when I became a mommy that ketchup and ranch go on everything. That french fries would become a baby food group...that her beautiful smile would like up my life. I didn't know that one cheesy little grin would take all my bad day away.

Being a Mommy is so hard but it's the most rewarding thing in the world!

The blogging first

Well, I thought I'd try this whole blogging thing out. I like reading others' blogs so I thought it might be a fun way for me to get out what I want to say sometimes that I don't always feel like I can, or things I've said but would like to say again, or maybe just stuff about my family and friends as well as of course any rants or tangents I may be on for the moment!

There are several things that I think people should know about me. First and foremost, my family is the most important thing to me in life.

My husband, bless his heart, puts up with me on a daily basis. What a wonderful man! Doug and I first met in college at WWCC nearly 12 years ago, we were friends then. We didn't keep in touch but found one another again Super Bowl Sunday in 2005. What a great time that was. Our first "date" lasted nearly 12 hours! Though a large quantity of alcoholic beverages were consumed, he managed to remember me and call me the next day LOL...good job honey! I think that the thing I love the most about Doug is that I can be myself with him. I don't have to pretend to be something I'm not. He makes me happier than I've ever been in my life. He loves that I'm silly, loves that I can crack a good joke, but also let's me rant and rave and cry on his shoulder if I need to. I remember the day Doug proposed to me. Probably a week I had taken the day off because I wasn't feeling well. He had stayed home with me. We had discussed marriage and things were very serious between the two of us. That day as we were talking about it yet again, he said that he thought we should wait. He said he didn't know if he was ready and that he thought maybe we should wait til August to talk about it again. I was devastated. I went to the office to cry on my sister's shoulder. I was so upset and she was crying because I was crying. Little did I know that Doug had already bought my ring and showed it to both Mel and my sister in law Kay several days before. Mel later said that it was so hard for her not to tell me when she knew I was as upset as I was. He proposed to me that weekend. He was just tricking me so that it would be a surprise. He had set it up with the restaurant, with roses on the table and everything. It was wonderful! Fast forward to August 12, 2006....our wedding day. That was probably one of the two happiest days of my life.

Now, Doug came as a package deal. My stepson, Michael is nearly 8 now and lives with us. Michael is a child who has been through a lot. His biological mother has not been there for him and never bonded with him the way she needed to, she was too involved with her own issues. She left when Michael was very young. Michael is a wonderfully intelligent child. He loves school and his family. He told me his favorite food is hot dogs :) of course I think it's tomato soup and grilled cheese sandwiches. Michael loves to tell jokes and talk your ear off. What a great kid. Michael and I struggle a bit, I believe in part it's because he has a picture in mind of what he would like a mother to be, and I'm not her...and neither is his bio mom. I remember the day though that he decided he was going to call me mom. He went to his grandparents for a few weeks and before he left he said "when I come back I'm going to call you mom." I told him that was up to him, whatever he chose to call me, within reason...lol..was fine with me. Since that time he has always called me Mom. When the magistrate who performed our wedding asked if I took Doug and Michael in our vows I did, and always will, no matter what the problems we may face as a family are.

The second best day of my life was December 15, 2007. That was the day my sweet baby girl Hanna Grace came to our family. She came into the world after 24 hours of labor and subsequent c-section. She has been such a wonderful addition to our family. Her smile will fix a bad day for anyone I swear. It doesn't matter what kind of day I have at work, she makes it all better. What an angel she is. At 16 months old, she runs the show. We affectionately refer to her as "Hanna Bear", "Monkey face", and of course "Hurricane Hanna (which by the way hit the coast the same day she started crawling)." It's been an awesome thing to watch her grow to where she is today, feisty and happy and sweet...what a wonderful little girl.